tripping over neruda...

for someone who doesnt believe in lauuu (i hate to even say the word) to begin with, it may only seem ironical that i absolutely lauuu neruda's 'love sonnets n poems'. there is just something about the way he wrote...so heartfelt and pure of emotion.

i dont think the lauu that neruda wrote about, exists.
even if someone may have convinced themselves that it does, i think its usually shortlived.

but in 2011, i hope il spend more time looking for lauu and finding this lauuu.
lauuu, that can now only exist in the imagination of poets and writers.
so here's to a new year, hopefully filled with beautiful poems and great stories.

here, sharing one of my most fav neruda poems.

cheersss


I don't love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propogate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom but carries the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don't know any other way
to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

- pablo neruda

mama, im coming home...

i lived very close to the city of dreams, dreams that are coming true for every fourth if not the second person.
i still hope that very soon, one day...im gonna be that fourth person.
till then...yup it's been a great almost-one-year.

i think its just the relaxed vibe of laid-back california that i may have fallen in lauuu with.
most mornings i used to ride my bike to work.
it was a beautiful ride along the golf course and a small lake, in the midst of a valley.
my helmet on, my backpack behind me, everyday i waved to the four boys who live in the block next to mine.
we crossed each other every morning, as they went to get breakfast.
i dont know their names since i never stopped to talk to them but waving was part of our routine.
the lady next door was usually out too...walking her dog. she didn't speak much english but i lauu her enthusiastic 'goooood morning'.
yup, everyone is relaxed and very very friendly here.

if it was a specially breezy morning, i would sometimes stop to hv a large coffee.
my other favorite was the carrot juice from 'jamba juice'!
blueberry muffins...yummm.
my favorite thing on the weekends was to go sit at 'borders' and just read or browse for hours.
in the gazebo next to the theatre, they had jazz evenings on most weekends.
btw i lauuu jazz.

most people hate doing laundry. i lauu it.
i lauuu the fresh smell and the warm feel of clothes as they come out of the dryer.
u may think im crazy but i even lauu vaccuming.
i may be in a long term relationship with Macy's and Abercrombie n Fitch.

i was lucky to have the worlds best room-mates!
i NEVER felt like i was renting a room from them, they are now family.
so many new friends...so many new experiences....yup life here in not-always-so-sunny california has been GREAT.

im really gonna miss it. miss my friends, miss my life here.
i hope im gonna be back very very soon.
but i would be lying if i said that i wasnt excited about going back.
in many ways i think, california and the life here has changed me.
i feel more relaxed, more open to adventures of life, which i wasnt earlier.
im not sure what im gonna do next.
for the first time in my life, i dont have a plan.
and really for the very first time, i dont give a shit. im not scared about not having a plan.

right now there is only one thing, one thought in my mind.
mama, im coming home....




m

going with the flow...

apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain
rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain

waqt ke saath hai mitti ka safar sadiyon se
kisko maalomm kahan ke hain, kidhar ke hum hain

chalte rehte hain ki chalna hai musafir ka naseeb
sochte rehte hain kis raah guzar ke hum hain



m

keep ur panties on...pliss!

i know, i know. ive gotten really lazy with my blog.
sometimes i start writing and then get bored and leave it midway.
which would expain why i have so many half-written posts in my mail.

but i just HAD to write about this.
here is my open letter for everyone.


dear all,
im planning to throw a party very soon.
yes, some of u will be invited. some of u wont.
for those of u who dont recive the invite, perhps u should jst be glad.

like all my parties, there will lots of drinks.
there will be loud music ad yes you may bring a friend.
u see, we really like rockin the town at these parties.
but this time there will be one exception.

anyone wanting to be a part of our revelry...pls be ready for a full body search before ur let in.
no im not alarmed about any terror threat.
its more complicated that that.

im sure by now we've all seen and heard the world go into a tizzy over yana gupta's...errr...wardrobe malfunction?
u see she was invited for a children's charity event.
she remembered to wear a very short dress but apparently forgot to wear underwear with it.

now ive no moral stance to take on what one can and cannot wear.
so im not even gonna get drawn into THAT debate.
but one aspect of the whole brouhaha, I must say has made my head spin.

apparently some guy in lucknow got very upset with this display of obscenity and has filed PILs against yana gupta, the photographer who clicked that pic AND THE ORGANISERS of the chaity event.
now i understand that he is very upset, wants the world to know...and some 'punishment' for yana and the photographer for contributing to that obscenity.
but HELLO?! the thirde one didnt make any sense to me.

a PIL against the event organisers?!!!?
im sorry...but they were just hosting a show for underprivileged kids and wanted celebrities for it. now if the invited guest...either forgets or simply doesnt want to wear...underwear...whats the bloody organiser supposed to do in this???
were they supposed to ask yana at the gate...of what she was wearing or not wearing?! duh....

seriously guys...u just cannot be too careful these days.
so next time im throwing a party...ALL of you...pliss keep ur panties on!
and as the organiser and host i shall reserve the right to check for myself..
hope you guys understand.

best
katie

ps: meanwhile im wondering who is the genius who came up with the pink star?! like really....




m

maa tujhe salaam...

its a really hectic wednesday morning.
im running super late for work.
ride my bike real fast...can u get a ticket for speeding on a bike btw?!
hmmm...i wonder!

anyway, somehow reach work, all sweaty, irritated.
drink 2 glasses of water.
still panting! damn the flu and its lasting effects on my stamina.
suddenly the phone is ringing.
im fed up. let the voicemail get this one, i think to myself.

its ringing. ringing. yesss still ringing.
that means only one thing. its my mommieeee!
the phone will ring till i answer it.

i look at my watch. its 9:30 AM...which means 10pm back home.
im still panting ... btw!
answer the phone with a very breathles..errr HAAAALLO?

a very very cheerful saroj at the other end.
yeah, we call our mom by her first name! get over it.

Saroj: (real cheery) monaaa..what u doing?

Me: (irritated) im at the beach in my tiniest bikini sipping cosmopolitan just lounging around with johnny (depp)!!! what do u think im doing?!?!

Saroj: (if its possible even more cheerful) aaaaaa...say my hello to johnny and ask him..beta ghar kab aa rahe ho?!?!

BATAAO...she is my MOTHER in every which way!!!
maa tujhe salaaaam....

life's applecart...

life stumps us everyday.
just when we think we have it all figured out, one tiny little thing goes wrong and the apple-cart collapses.
aren't we all used to that?

but for me, just when im about to give up, something comes along to restore my faith.
it happens everytime.
im grateful for that.


"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happyily ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”
- Meredith Grey


but just in case it doesnt happen, have a refuge song ready.
Currently this one is mine!






m

it echoes...

ive been away for a long time. too many changes happening too fast. im back now with lots to tell. over the weeks more on that...but for now something that has been echoing in my heart...

main jahan rahoon
main kahin bhi hoon
teri yaad saath hai
kissi se kahoon
ke nahi kahoon
ye jo dil ki baat hai..

kehne ko saath apne
ek duniya chalti hai
par chhup ke iss dil mein
tanhayee palti hai
bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saath hai.



m

saturday night fever...

it was time we got "wild" back.
the mellow-saturday-nights thing is really over-rated.
so this time jake and i got dolled up to go cruising men!
the thing is...it sounds so great when u say it.
but when ur out and about around town...its whole another story!
oh btw...we use the term "cruising" very losely...atleast in my case.
jake of course...goes all out.

now IM apparently waiting for eric dane to come save me from myself.
cos everywhere else i looked i thought i was part of a very bad soap.
a very bad soap where men are from some planet thats not even in our galaxy.
men will shout that its the same with women too.
but unfortunately im heterosexual and notice mostly men.

so whats with men and belts these days?
let me tell u its not serving the purpose its supposed to serve.
or is the ass SUPPOSED to hang out like that?
i think im really really old cos i just wanted to grab a few boys and tell them to pull their pants up and tuck their shirts in.

oh and whats with the silver colored ones?
every second man was wearing a shiny clunking silver belt.
it was a club for straight people, with women stuck to their arms like leeches.
mostly men, who to me were looking like greek gods gone horribly wrong.
very well sculpted bodies shown to full advantage in tight vests, sphagettis i swear, in some case...and big tattoos.
looking all dapper and thats when ul overhear them saying bhen**** in such a dirty accent im not even sure where its from.

jake says im too choosy.
i think...thank god for thaaat little mercy.
the only thing worse than this wud be a man with the golden belt.
and then i spotted him too.
black tight t-shirt, tighter (if its possible) blue jeans and a golden belt.
a BIG golden belt.

i needed air...so we went up to the terrace.
it was better.
we drank, we chatted and decided this yuppie nonsense was not for us.
we went to another club.
more grown up, less crowded, more fun.

each time i make eyes at a cute guy, turns out he likes jake.
my friend who is very handsome, super cool with some mean dance moves.
im lucky to have a friend like him.
he listens to me bitch about life in general, men in particular, all day long.
still believes in fairytales and pushes me towards ugly men.
and on saturday nights like this one...is just happy to 'hang out'.

life's good.
you know when it gets better?
when the DJ plays uff teri adaa...





m

when wishes are horses...

i wanted to be the biggest star on broadway.
right after...id set up my own vineyard...
...between directing oscar winning films
based on my own booker winning books...
...alongwith travelling the globe.
and did i mention that i was mentored into this life by robert redford?
with johnny depp as my greatest love...
...and sachin tendulkar as my close personal friend???

well...
u can imagine why i stopped wishing a long time ago!

ups and downs are a part of life...i know that.
but everything takes a toll on you...doesnt it?
today if u ask me, i just want peace of mind and good music on my ipod.
id like to think that ive no regrets about the past.
but then also not much excitement about the future.
does that mean that ive become more cynical or just sensible?

the old katie...would hang onto every little thing no matter how insignificant.
which is why i think i have cupboards full of crap.
mailboxes overflowing with mails...that have NO meaning in the current context.
and ive got less than a month to sort it all out.

im supposed to begin a new journey soon.
completely different from my set life till now.
loony says very few people get that opportunity in life to begin again on a clean slate...so i should count my blessings.
but that means that everything else wil get left behind.
everything id held dear and close to me til now.

despite my i-care-a-damn attitude, i now know i fear that.
i hadnt even noticed it...til charlie pointed it out.
why do all your mails end with a tone of such finalty!
do you do that with everyone? he'd asked me.
in my bid to de-clutter life...id started to try and ease people out.
goodbyes are easier than long drawn out see-yous!

i try and avoid the il-see-u-in-a-million years endings now.
im moving to a new place...but i hope old ties wil remain.

after all...i may not have had a starring role on broadway yet..but jake and i hv given the performances of our lives at mannequin.
il think about that vineyard someday...but till then many a bottles to be shared with gyaani.
i may not get the booker for my blog but you guys read it. i know cos u shout at me for writing crap later.
i dont have robert redford but life has been my mentor...with gunther, loony, zoozoo, sam, gyaani, begum, jake, naz, jc and jt in lead roles as my close personal friends.
sorry but johnny im still holding out for :)

and yes charlie you can be my conscience keeper!




m

like the phoenix...

not too long ago he was booed off his home ground in mumbai.
crowds jeering him for slow scoring.
journalists busy writing his career obits.
some even said that while a great player, he wasnt a match winner.

im not surprised that these people today cant stop extolling his virtues.
200-not out in a one-day match is an almost unthinkable thing.
but then this one man has made so many unthinkable things possible.
sachin tendulkar...afterall IS the god of cricket.

my own interest in the game is limited.
i love to watch the high-pressure games with the boys.
but my life doesnt depend on the ball-by-ball commentary.
ive adored some of the players.
though honestly...less for their cover/square drives, more for their good looks.
but NO ONE can be indifferent to the charisma of this little master.

im a huge fan too.
not just of his skill and performance.
but his ability to bounce back each time people write him off.

no one has written me off.
im too small and insignificant to even be part of that analogy.
but sachin makes me believe that anything is possible.
he makes me believe in self-belief and magic.
he is my hero....like the phoenix...always rising from the ashes.


"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
- Andrew Symonds
(Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin)




m

thats the way i like it...

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

- Charlie Daniels




m

'hamara bajaj'...

i used to love that ad.
the father starts the scooter...with the kid in front.
mommie waving them off...or sometimes sitting behind the father.
that advertisement at the time summed up aspirations of millions of indians.

not for us though.
since dad passed away, money had always been tight.
for many...car was a luxury.
for us, it was a dream. a very distant dream.

faridabad was a small town then.
we took cycle rickshaws everywhere.
and the haryana roadways bus to come to delhi.
(some of the experiences on that bus deserve a separate post!)
id seen saroj take a cycle rickshaw to work everyday for twenty years.
sometimes in burning june...sweating.
in pouring rain.

so when i first started working, i had only one goal.
to be able to buy a car.
thankfully emi's were a wonderfully celebrated concept by then.
i just needed enough saved up for a downpayment.

finally that day came....but rome wasnt built in a day.
for many weeks we had huge fights.
saroj wanted me to buy a maruti 800...cheaper smaller and does the job.
after all she only knew two types of cars...the 800 and the bigger ones!
But I knew that after waiting for SO SO SO many years we just couldnt get a small car! (i always had these delusions of grandeur..even then!)

Dec 23, 2003...was a very big day in our lives.
Thats the day, we were to get home our very first ever vehicle.
But Saroj manages to stump me without trying.
As i proudly led her and my sister to the shining silver gray ikon...i realised that S had been distracted by something else.
I turned to see what had caught her interest.
She was standing in front of a BIG SHINING BLACK mondeo!!
And i swear to you...like a kid in a candy store she asked me..."OMG is this the car we are buying?"
Like i said she only knew two types of cars...the 800 and the bigger ones.
The ikon suddenly seemed so much smaller.

Then came the next step.
A shiny new car and NONE of us knew how to drive!
So a driver had been hired.
Our first drive in our own car...we will ever forget it.
For those 20 kms...we beamed at everyone.
From the vegetable vendors to the cars right next to us..at the red light.

Except the ones that tried to swerve too close.
It was the only time we were openly swearing in front of our mother and she was ok with it.
now gunther(sister) and i always frown upon these "indian" traditions!
the coconut breaking...the red scarf(mata ki chunni) thats tied to the rearview mirror...or the black paranda(i dont know if this can even be translated!) flowing on the back wheel.

but i assure you that these "customs" seem wierd only when you see others doing it.
the force with which i broke that coconut almost bruised my arm.
couldnt take chances with it not breaking and leading to any 'apshakun'(bad omen).
in all the years that we;ve had the car....she has been like a member of our family.
ul say...get over it..its just a car!
but we know that for us....it marked the shift from being small kids living with our mother wanting to become something in life..to now adults who can take on the responsibility of the family as well as any boy/son.

6 years, 60,000 kms and several accidents later...the other day somebody suggested that it may be time to change the car.
but even the promise of a Mondeo or an equivalent big car doesnt budge my mother.
bajaj will stop manufacturing scooters in march...one of the victims of the new economic prosperity of the middle class post liberalisation.
but we are not ready to retire "hamara bajaj" just yet...




m

jab i left....

you need a reason for everything.
and it better be a good one.
'cos i just felt like it'..doesnt cut it anymore.
not if u resign from a job after 10 years!

over the last 3-4 days ive been battling the worst.
from apoplectic phone calls...to whats-going-on texts.
are u getting married?
did u have a fight with someone?
is this about no prime time anchoring?
or crappy stories ur made to do?
is everything ok at home?
are u dying????

u name it and ive got it.
never have i had so many invitations to dinners and drinks.
everyone wants to know the "goss".
i guess thats to be expected..when u spend so much time at one place..ur practically part of the furniture.
imagine ur favourite papasan chair(the one u sit on, spill things on and fart on!) growing legs and walking off!

and here i thought il have complete peace.
to travel...read...think...and basically do nothing.
so just to put all ur minds at rest.
im fine.
not dying or getting married.
not fighting with anyone.
dont like anchoring.
these days hate reporting even more.

taking a very wise friend's advice...all i want to do is detox and de-clutter.
im sure life has some plans for me.
maybe il find another job...or another husband.

but for the moment i have only two things on my agenda.
that big upcoming international holiday called the valentines day and the party my friends are threatening to throw.
and working on the screenplay of my debut film "main samantha fox ban na chahti hoon".



m

feeling lighter than air...

"im so excited i can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. i think its the excitement only a free man can feel. a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain."

- Red (from shawshank redemption)



m

victoria's secrets....secrets no more!

is feminism running in reverse gear?
cos first came bra burning...and now colour sharing.
it really doesnt matter to me...cos im not a feminist.
but i wasnt sure what to make of it...when colours started exploding on my facebook page...apparently to create awareness about breast cancer.

PINK.
SHOCKING PINK.
YELLOW.
GREEN.
DEEP PURPLE.
BLUE WITH WHITE STRIPES.

i even spotted a lime green with some contrast coloured butterflies on it.(!!!)
oh and then there was SILVER.
silver??
really????

id added this girl cos id met her through a friend and couldn't remember what she did for a living.
but let me tell you....not so sure about breast cancer....but hell it peaked my curiosity about her job.
in which profession does one wear a silver bra to work?!

ive promised myself not to "judge" people in 2010...but it gets hard.
very hard.
when someone i know is wearing a beige one....(simply cos it was playing peek-a-boo awhile back with her sweater)...and then she writes RED.
maybe she was being funny.
maybe she meant something else.
im trying not to do what id promised myself not to do.

but being a part of this "mass flirting exercise" on a social networking sight has exhausted me.
a storm in a C-cup as maddy says :)
i need some different hues now.
and i long for my very own personal rainbow...errr...the metaphorical one!


m

not so elementary, my dear...

im a hard-core fan and yet never knew holmes and watson had so much crackling chemistry between them! just wondering if the hotness scales will be able to handle pitt as the evil moriarty?!



m

second, third and fourth thoughts...

crisp winter evening.
warm clothes.
rustling leaves each time there was a gust of cold wind.
smoke billowing somewhere.
glasses of red.
faint din of the conversation around.
really cosy and langurous.
hmmmm.....

thats the moment gyaani chose to burst my bubble!
right after he finished telling me that id never been politically correct...EVER.
i opened my mouth to argue..and then closed it.
thats the problem with really close friends.
they know you better than you think you know yourself.
so other than knowing all embarrasing details and stupid anecdotes about your life...what they do best is call your bluff.

see...the thing is gyaani doesnt agree at all with my last post.
too much analysing and putting it under the microscope...i think.
i valiantly tried to defend it.
after all i personally know ALL these types myself.
but something did hit home.
so i came back and re-read the whole thing again.
somewhere in that post...perhaps what was reflecting the most was my own disillusionment.

i still stand by the fact that all these different types do exist.
but yes...it would be more prudent....to not step out with prejudices.
after all 2010.....according to me....is going to be the year of the wild child.
the year where caution will be thrown to the wind.
risks will be taken.
and a life lived to the fullest.
without fear.

a dangerous game is about to begin...

PS: gyaani..keep the phone lines free...counsel maybe required. and now you'll only have yourself to blame :)



m

we're just not that into him...

Disclaimer: im not a man hater. the thoughts expressed in this post are based on my own research in a particular phase in my life. i can totally do a turn around on any and everything mentioned here at any given date.

for all excited single girls...this is what is out there:

# THE OLDER MAN
he thinks he owns you...just by virtue of arriving in this world a few years earlier. we may as well have handed over our emotional remote control to him...cos he is now here in our lives to tell us how to live it. he is more experienced you see!

# THE YOUNGER MAN
he is too heavily under the influence of "the graduate". someone needs to gently break it to him that not all older women are running mrs robinson's sex-ed classes please!

# THE GOOD LOOKING MAN
going out with him is like being on a community date. cos he maybe sitting with you but he will be practically coming on to the entire room. anyone who happens to merely glance distractedly in his direction immediately gets labelled "an adoring fan"...believe me if ive to sit across someone preening the whole time...id much rather sit in front of the mirror at home doing my nails and drinking beer!

# THE UGLY MAN
okay a quick show of hands...and tell me who wants to go out with the ugly man?! i know its 'wrong' of me to say this...but lets accept the fact that while u dont have to be the next brad pitt...looks DO matter a little bit. if im revolted by what i see on the outside...there are very little chances that il hang around long enuff to see whats inside!

# THE RICH MAN
ooooo now this one is tricky. since our patriarchal setup has instilled in us that the man should be better placed in life than us...if he is TOO well placed chances are you can kiss your any and every decision making goodbye. everything is measured in terms of money and success and if uve seen 3 idiots u know what im trying to say....and girls it IS true.

# THE POOR MAN
if he ticks all the other boxes ud think he'd show promise. but beware girls. not to sound like a gold-digger or anything but he too is avoidable. especially since more than you he is concerned about his place in the relationship. and OMG his whine can even beat technology and come hit you in waves on texts and emails about how he is a failure. so going out with him.....all you'll end up with....is a huge bill...constantly putting yourself down for his benefit and hours of needless ego-stroking!

# THE OVER-EAGRE MAN
he is the worst. practically drooling and waiting for you to say jump and he will reply...how high?! aaaghhhhh

# THE ONE WITH MIND-GAMES
he likes and checks all the right boxes but watch out girls...cos going out with him is a mental exercise. he wants to keep you guessing till the very end so he will bombard you with mixed signals...if we wanted that much exercise we'd put in the new video game on ps3.

# THE EMOTIONAL MAN
he is the one who wants to get to know you...the real you. he wants to talk about you...about feelings...about thoughts...about likes dislikes everything...ALL the time. its like od-ing on emotional chow chow. if i wanted myself psycho-analysed that badly...frankly id much rather pay for it and lay on a professional's couch!

# THE INTELLIGENT MAN
ud think he'd be gods gift...but hello! his conversations are littered with the who's who of anything and everything...bombarding u with fcts and figures....from scientific equations to mathematical theorams...to why jazz music was considered inappropriate to the history of the finest single malt...all very exciting subjects...if only he had the gift of story telling as well. so all his accounts will slowly numb even the most alert brains and u really will have no escape.

# THE ONE YOU LIKE
he is the one who IS gods gift. he is intelligent...smart...funny...well read...interested in music...wil hang onto ur every word...tell u how smart cool and funny you are and mean it. and just when ul blush and lay ur hand over his...heart beating so loud ur sure he could hear it....he'll cover ur hand with his and smile and say:
"the girl i eventually fall for...i just hope she likes you. cos not liking my best friend could be a problem."


so girls if we gotta eat our hearts out....atleast lets do it in style. throw in that gloria gaynor cd....with a beer in hand...and lets shake to "i will survive..." cos thats what life eventually boils down to...doesnt it?

most of us eventiually will end up with one of the above mentioned kinds...some happy some not so much...but atleast we'll have friends we can laugh and cry about it with.

so here's to my best friend...you know what im trying to say through this very long post...very very inarticulately...i love you and we will survive.

xoxo


m

a few good men...

when ur recently single...the worst kind of fate awaits you.
matchmaking friends.
dont get me wrong. friends are great.
i know they are well meaning.
BUT.....

so these days i get lectured on "being open" ... "more accomodating".
on "how to stop looking for the 'purrrfect' man".
oh and did i mention "be nice" ... "be sexy"??
isnt that an oxy moron?
the two i thought were mutually exclusive...since "nice" girls are not "sexy" and "sexy" girls are not "nice".

ive not found that perfect balance between the two so im still bumbling my way through "dates".
oh and did i mention they are all "blind"??

are u worried about too many "within quotes" in this post???
i am too....very worried....each time im introduced to a guy who "just happens to be single" someone we just "happen to run into"!!!

and i seem to have forgotten the dating rules.
the other day when i asked this boy his name...he said "whatever u want me to be"!!
wasnt that part of the list of cheesiest things you never say?!
or has that list now changed? im not sure..

over the next few weeks il be telling you all the things we have to endure to land that perfect date.
but after 3 disastrous attempts all in one night later....my confidence maybe shaken.
so i wanna think hard about what i want out of life.
what is it that i want to be.

in the meantime il continue my education and update you.
feel free to send all those "single" entries my way.
i promise il be sexy...or nice.
or whatever...



m

invictus....

beginning well they say is half the job done...so im starting this new year with a post that will be a constant reminder to myself ... that nothing is impossible.

this was one of nelson mandela;s favourite poems. after 27 years of darkness if he could keep the faith and keep going...i have really no reason to whine all the time.

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

- William Ernest Henley


have a great year and yes....keep those dreams alive. you never know when they'll come true and ul go WOOOHOOOOOO ;)



m