life's applecart...

life stumps us everyday.
just when we think we have it all figured out, one tiny little thing goes wrong and the apple-cart collapses.
aren't we all used to that?

but for me, just when im about to give up, something comes along to restore my faith.
it happens everytime.
im grateful for that.


"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happyily ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”
- Meredith Grey


but just in case it doesnt happen, have a refuge song ready.
Currently this one is mine!






m

it echoes...

ive been away for a long time. too many changes happening too fast. im back now with lots to tell. over the weeks more on that...but for now something that has been echoing in my heart...

main jahan rahoon
main kahin bhi hoon
teri yaad saath hai
kissi se kahoon
ke nahi kahoon
ye jo dil ki baat hai..

kehne ko saath apne
ek duniya chalti hai
par chhup ke iss dil mein
tanhayee palti hai
bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saath hai.



m

saturday night fever...

it was time we got "wild" back.
the mellow-saturday-nights thing is really over-rated.
so this time jake and i got dolled up to go cruising men!
the thing is...it sounds so great when u say it.
but when ur out and about around town...its whole another story!
oh btw...we use the term "cruising" very losely...atleast in my case.
jake of course...goes all out.

now IM apparently waiting for eric dane to come save me from myself.
cos everywhere else i looked i thought i was part of a very bad soap.
a very bad soap where men are from some planet thats not even in our galaxy.
men will shout that its the same with women too.
but unfortunately im heterosexual and notice mostly men.

so whats with men and belts these days?
let me tell u its not serving the purpose its supposed to serve.
or is the ass SUPPOSED to hang out like that?
i think im really really old cos i just wanted to grab a few boys and tell them to pull their pants up and tuck their shirts in.

oh and whats with the silver colored ones?
every second man was wearing a shiny clunking silver belt.
it was a club for straight people, with women stuck to their arms like leeches.
mostly men, who to me were looking like greek gods gone horribly wrong.
very well sculpted bodies shown to full advantage in tight vests, sphagettis i swear, in some case...and big tattoos.
looking all dapper and thats when ul overhear them saying bhen**** in such a dirty accent im not even sure where its from.

jake says im too choosy.
i think...thank god for thaaat little mercy.
the only thing worse than this wud be a man with the golden belt.
and then i spotted him too.
black tight t-shirt, tighter (if its possible) blue jeans and a golden belt.
a BIG golden belt.

i needed air...so we went up to the terrace.
it was better.
we drank, we chatted and decided this yuppie nonsense was not for us.
we went to another club.
more grown up, less crowded, more fun.

each time i make eyes at a cute guy, turns out he likes jake.
my friend who is very handsome, super cool with some mean dance moves.
im lucky to have a friend like him.
he listens to me bitch about life in general, men in particular, all day long.
still believes in fairytales and pushes me towards ugly men.
and on saturday nights like this one...is just happy to 'hang out'.

life's good.
you know when it gets better?
when the DJ plays uff teri adaa...





m

when wishes are horses...

i wanted to be the biggest star on broadway.
right after...id set up my own vineyard...
...between directing oscar winning films
based on my own booker winning books...
...alongwith travelling the globe.
and did i mention that i was mentored into this life by robert redford?
with johnny depp as my greatest love...
...and sachin tendulkar as my close personal friend???

well...
u can imagine why i stopped wishing a long time ago!

ups and downs are a part of life...i know that.
but everything takes a toll on you...doesnt it?
today if u ask me, i just want peace of mind and good music on my ipod.
id like to think that ive no regrets about the past.
but then also not much excitement about the future.
does that mean that ive become more cynical or just sensible?

the old katie...would hang onto every little thing no matter how insignificant.
which is why i think i have cupboards full of crap.
mailboxes overflowing with mails...that have NO meaning in the current context.
and ive got less than a month to sort it all out.

im supposed to begin a new journey soon.
completely different from my set life till now.
loony says very few people get that opportunity in life to begin again on a clean slate...so i should count my blessings.
but that means that everything else wil get left behind.
everything id held dear and close to me til now.

despite my i-care-a-damn attitude, i now know i fear that.
i hadnt even noticed it...til charlie pointed it out.
why do all your mails end with a tone of such finalty!
do you do that with everyone? he'd asked me.
in my bid to de-clutter life...id started to try and ease people out.
goodbyes are easier than long drawn out see-yous!

i try and avoid the il-see-u-in-a-million years endings now.
im moving to a new place...but i hope old ties wil remain.

after all...i may not have had a starring role on broadway yet..but jake and i hv given the performances of our lives at mannequin.
il think about that vineyard someday...but till then many a bottles to be shared with gyaani.
i may not get the booker for my blog but you guys read it. i know cos u shout at me for writing crap later.
i dont have robert redford but life has been my mentor...with gunther, loony, zoozoo, sam, gyaani, begum, jake, naz, jc and jt in lead roles as my close personal friends.
sorry but johnny im still holding out for :)

and yes charlie you can be my conscience keeper!




m

like the phoenix...

not too long ago he was booed off his home ground in mumbai.
crowds jeering him for slow scoring.
journalists busy writing his career obits.
some even said that while a great player, he wasnt a match winner.

im not surprised that these people today cant stop extolling his virtues.
200-not out in a one-day match is an almost unthinkable thing.
but then this one man has made so many unthinkable things possible.
sachin tendulkar...afterall IS the god of cricket.

my own interest in the game is limited.
i love to watch the high-pressure games with the boys.
but my life doesnt depend on the ball-by-ball commentary.
ive adored some of the players.
though honestly...less for their cover/square drives, more for their good looks.
but NO ONE can be indifferent to the charisma of this little master.

im a huge fan too.
not just of his skill and performance.
but his ability to bounce back each time people write him off.

no one has written me off.
im too small and insignificant to even be part of that analogy.
but sachin makes me believe that anything is possible.
he makes me believe in self-belief and magic.
he is my hero....like the phoenix...always rising from the ashes.


"To Sachin, the man we all want to be"
- Andrew Symonds
(Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin)




m

thats the way i like it...

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

- Charlie Daniels




m

'hamara bajaj'...

i used to love that ad.
the father starts the scooter...with the kid in front.
mommie waving them off...or sometimes sitting behind the father.
that advertisement at the time summed up aspirations of millions of indians.

not for us though.
since dad passed away, money had always been tight.
for many...car was a luxury.
for us, it was a dream. a very distant dream.

faridabad was a small town then.
we took cycle rickshaws everywhere.
and the haryana roadways bus to come to delhi.
(some of the experiences on that bus deserve a separate post!)
id seen saroj take a cycle rickshaw to work everyday for twenty years.
sometimes in burning june...sweating.
in pouring rain.

so when i first started working, i had only one goal.
to be able to buy a car.
thankfully emi's were a wonderfully celebrated concept by then.
i just needed enough saved up for a downpayment.

finally that day came....but rome wasnt built in a day.
for many weeks we had huge fights.
saroj wanted me to buy a maruti 800...cheaper smaller and does the job.
after all she only knew two types of cars...the 800 and the bigger ones!
But I knew that after waiting for SO SO SO many years we just couldnt get a small car! (i always had these delusions of grandeur..even then!)

Dec 23, 2003...was a very big day in our lives.
Thats the day, we were to get home our very first ever vehicle.
But Saroj manages to stump me without trying.
As i proudly led her and my sister to the shining silver gray ikon...i realised that S had been distracted by something else.
I turned to see what had caught her interest.
She was standing in front of a BIG SHINING BLACK mondeo!!
And i swear to you...like a kid in a candy store she asked me..."OMG is this the car we are buying?"
Like i said she only knew two types of cars...the 800 and the bigger ones.
The ikon suddenly seemed so much smaller.

Then came the next step.
A shiny new car and NONE of us knew how to drive!
So a driver had been hired.
Our first drive in our own car...we will ever forget it.
For those 20 kms...we beamed at everyone.
From the vegetable vendors to the cars right next to us..at the red light.

Except the ones that tried to swerve too close.
It was the only time we were openly swearing in front of our mother and she was ok with it.
now gunther(sister) and i always frown upon these "indian" traditions!
the coconut breaking...the red scarf(mata ki chunni) thats tied to the rearview mirror...or the black paranda(i dont know if this can even be translated!) flowing on the back wheel.

but i assure you that these "customs" seem wierd only when you see others doing it.
the force with which i broke that coconut almost bruised my arm.
couldnt take chances with it not breaking and leading to any 'apshakun'(bad omen).
in all the years that we;ve had the car....she has been like a member of our family.
ul say...get over it..its just a car!
but we know that for us....it marked the shift from being small kids living with our mother wanting to become something in life..to now adults who can take on the responsibility of the family as well as any boy/son.

6 years, 60,000 kms and several accidents later...the other day somebody suggested that it may be time to change the car.
but even the promise of a Mondeo or an equivalent big car doesnt budge my mother.
bajaj will stop manufacturing scooters in march...one of the victims of the new economic prosperity of the middle class post liberalisation.
but we are not ready to retire "hamara bajaj" just yet...




m