we're just not that into him...

Disclaimer: im not a man hater. the thoughts expressed in this post are based on my own research in a particular phase in my life. i can totally do a turn around on any and everything mentioned here at any given date.

for all excited single girls...this is what is out there:

# THE OLDER MAN
he thinks he owns you...just by virtue of arriving in this world a few years earlier. we may as well have handed over our emotional remote control to him...cos he is now here in our lives to tell us how to live it. he is more experienced you see!

# THE YOUNGER MAN
he is too heavily under the influence of "the graduate". someone needs to gently break it to him that not all older women are running mrs robinson's sex-ed classes please!

# THE GOOD LOOKING MAN
going out with him is like being on a community date. cos he maybe sitting with you but he will be practically coming on to the entire room. anyone who happens to merely glance distractedly in his direction immediately gets labelled "an adoring fan"...believe me if ive to sit across someone preening the whole time...id much rather sit in front of the mirror at home doing my nails and drinking beer!

# THE UGLY MAN
okay a quick show of hands...and tell me who wants to go out with the ugly man?! i know its 'wrong' of me to say this...but lets accept the fact that while u dont have to be the next brad pitt...looks DO matter a little bit. if im revolted by what i see on the outside...there are very little chances that il hang around long enuff to see whats inside!

# THE RICH MAN
ooooo now this one is tricky. since our patriarchal setup has instilled in us that the man should be better placed in life than us...if he is TOO well placed chances are you can kiss your any and every decision making goodbye. everything is measured in terms of money and success and if uve seen 3 idiots u know what im trying to say....and girls it IS true.

# THE POOR MAN
if he ticks all the other boxes ud think he'd show promise. but beware girls. not to sound like a gold-digger or anything but he too is avoidable. especially since more than you he is concerned about his place in the relationship. and OMG his whine can even beat technology and come hit you in waves on texts and emails about how he is a failure. so going out with him.....all you'll end up with....is a huge bill...constantly putting yourself down for his benefit and hours of needless ego-stroking!

# THE OVER-EAGRE MAN
he is the worst. practically drooling and waiting for you to say jump and he will reply...how high?! aaaghhhhh

# THE ONE WITH MIND-GAMES
he likes and checks all the right boxes but watch out girls...cos going out with him is a mental exercise. he wants to keep you guessing till the very end so he will bombard you with mixed signals...if we wanted that much exercise we'd put in the new video game on ps3.

# THE EMOTIONAL MAN
he is the one who wants to get to know you...the real you. he wants to talk about you...about feelings...about thoughts...about likes dislikes everything...ALL the time. its like od-ing on emotional chow chow. if i wanted myself psycho-analysed that badly...frankly id much rather pay for it and lay on a professional's couch!

# THE INTELLIGENT MAN
ud think he'd be gods gift...but hello! his conversations are littered with the who's who of anything and everything...bombarding u with fcts and figures....from scientific equations to mathematical theorams...to why jazz music was considered inappropriate to the history of the finest single malt...all very exciting subjects...if only he had the gift of story telling as well. so all his accounts will slowly numb even the most alert brains and u really will have no escape.

# THE ONE YOU LIKE
he is the one who IS gods gift. he is intelligent...smart...funny...well read...interested in music...wil hang onto ur every word...tell u how smart cool and funny you are and mean it. and just when ul blush and lay ur hand over his...heart beating so loud ur sure he could hear it....he'll cover ur hand with his and smile and say:
"the girl i eventually fall for...i just hope she likes you. cos not liking my best friend could be a problem."


so girls if we gotta eat our hearts out....atleast lets do it in style. throw in that gloria gaynor cd....with a beer in hand...and lets shake to "i will survive..." cos thats what life eventually boils down to...doesnt it?

most of us eventiually will end up with one of the above mentioned kinds...some happy some not so much...but atleast we'll have friends we can laugh and cry about it with.

so here's to my best friend...you know what im trying to say through this very long post...very very inarticulately...i love you and we will survive.

xoxo


m

a few good men...

when ur recently single...the worst kind of fate awaits you.
matchmaking friends.
dont get me wrong. friends are great.
i know they are well meaning.
BUT.....

so these days i get lectured on "being open" ... "more accomodating".
on "how to stop looking for the 'purrrfect' man".
oh and did i mention "be nice" ... "be sexy"??
isnt that an oxy moron?
the two i thought were mutually exclusive...since "nice" girls are not "sexy" and "sexy" girls are not "nice".

ive not found that perfect balance between the two so im still bumbling my way through "dates".
oh and did i mention they are all "blind"??

are u worried about too many "within quotes" in this post???
i am too....very worried....each time im introduced to a guy who "just happens to be single" someone we just "happen to run into"!!!

and i seem to have forgotten the dating rules.
the other day when i asked this boy his name...he said "whatever u want me to be"!!
wasnt that part of the list of cheesiest things you never say?!
or has that list now changed? im not sure..

over the next few weeks il be telling you all the things we have to endure to land that perfect date.
but after 3 disastrous attempts all in one night later....my confidence maybe shaken.
so i wanna think hard about what i want out of life.
what is it that i want to be.

in the meantime il continue my education and update you.
feel free to send all those "single" entries my way.
i promise il be sexy...or nice.
or whatever...



m

invictus....

beginning well they say is half the job done...so im starting this new year with a post that will be a constant reminder to myself ... that nothing is impossible.

this was one of nelson mandela;s favourite poems. after 27 years of darkness if he could keep the faith and keep going...i have really no reason to whine all the time.

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

- William Ernest Henley


have a great year and yes....keep those dreams alive. you never know when they'll come true and ul go WOOOHOOOOOO ;)



m

"freedom" and more....

*PRESENT DAY*

of all the rotten luck to run into someone guaranteed to make me feel like a complete loser.
the worst part: i didnt even remember him!
that too on a day...i thought i was on top of the world.
grrrr....

the universe has been conspiring against me for a long time.
but this was open war.

*FLASHBACK*

the first time id met him was...in 2004 i think.
i cant even remember clearly.
i just remember that was the time saroj REALLY wanted me to get married and was trying every trick in the book.
she'd put a matrimonial advertisement out for me.
yes, it happened.
can you imagine how many deaths i used to die everytime my family joked about the "responses" i was getting?!

he was one of the fools who'd answered and under duress and several fights with saroj later...id gone to "meet" him!
yes, id sunk that low.
as i sipped my coffee and pretended to be interested in EVERYTHING around me except the moron sitting in front of me...i could feel his eyes sizing me up.

i hated his smirk.
afterall who did he think he was?
i was the cool journalist and he was just some random dumb-ass MBA!
but patriarchy teaches us that i could have been goddamn godzilla;s friggin sister and it wouldnt have made a difference.
he would still have asked me about my salary and my "open-mindedness"!!

finally...really irritated id asked him what he did for a living.
now get a load of this..
"i sell freedom to women." he said.
is he trying to be cool and poetic...i thought to myself.
"excuse me?" i said.
"what does freedom mean to you?" he asked me cockily.
"listen, im just a dumb-ass journo so lets not waste time cos i got work to do. why dont you make it easier on everyone and just tell me." i snapped.

for the rest of my life il never forget what happened next.
he just leaned back (well as much you can lean on stupid uncomfortable barista chairs!) and smiled.

"im the head of marketing for "whisper"...the sanitary pads....for all of north india. so essentially i sell freedom to women."
(the smile grew bigger)

there was so much loud clunking in my head as i ran...im not even sure if i paid for my coffee.
apparently i mumbled something to him that could have been "my mother has gone mad" or "you have gone mad."

i came home...shouted at saroj...joked about it with my girlfriends...laughed till i cried at the absurdity of the situation and forgot all about it.
i mean imagine a cool cat like me married to a moron like him!!
i mean....really!

*CUT TO PRESENT DAY*

out celebrating with my friends...the fact that my divorce has FINALLY come through.
im free as a bird...ready to fly again.
and in the mad crush of the club who do i bump into?
ya...its him.
he shouts my name.

i smile and look closely trying to place him.
he says "im the guy who was selling freedom....only you didnt want any!"
normally i have a very expressive face.
its the bane of my existence...never being able to hide my feelings.
but thankfully for once, i was blank.

he pushed the girl next to him towards me.
"that's my wife. we've been married for 4 years. we have a son. he is home with grandparents as his parents get drunk." he went on and on..
"thats great" i mumbled.
"so, what about you?" he looked questioningly at me.

i struggled.
believe me i did.
struggled to tell the truth.
but finally i decided id taken one hit too many...this year.
so i smiled and said "freedom's great. i got some of it for myself too."
and before more questions came flying...i wished them well and ran.
i figured he never needed to know the irony about my freedom.

i dont think im a coward.
but sometimes i do wonder about life's choices. atleast the ones that ive made.

maybe il get saroj to put in another ad for me.
the one that will talk about how beautiful, open minded and friendly i am.
"put in well travelled also." my sister will insert the obvious joke.

or there is another alternative.
this city has just way too many reminders of my flawed and decidely crazy past.
so i think i may have to move.


m

the next step...

the step before the last one is always the toughest to take i think. the air of finalty that decides which side of the rope ul walk.....is still not there i guess. Struggling for 2 weeks and trying to put down the gazillion thoughts flashing in my head, i finally give up....

....and take refuge in the writings of the only man who hasn't let me down...yet.

“What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing?......It's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But then we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”

- Jack Kerouac



m

que sera sera...

i was so excited about meeting R and S that i almost didnt notice him at first.
perhaps the shadows inside the car ensured that i couldnt see his face.
or maybe it was the beard.
i dont know.

he didnt say much throughout the journey.
i guess we didnt give him a chance.
quietly i could sense him laughing next to me as the rest of us played catch-up.

R busy with a phone call, he started telling us about living alone in a mad city like delhi. the houses to hunt for. sometimes flat-mates if ur a bit tight on cash. hunting for the 'right' house-help who wont rob you blind.

i couldnt remember his name.
just your average-joe going on about mundane things in life.
joe with a soft voice and an accent.
joe who is from bangladesh, living in america and now here in india for a bit.
joe who likes classical, jazz and guitar.
joe who seemed so serious, i assumed he was much older.

as he got out, unloading his things from the car, R rushed to help.
S said he is not supposed to lift heavy stuff after his transplant.
"his transplant??" i asked.
with one of the bags tucked under his arms, R grabbed another suitcase and said,
"his father's liver got completely damaged, so he returned home and donated half of his liver."

shaken, i saw him run about getting his things together.
"how old are you?" i asked.
"23" he said, looking straight at me and smiling.
for the first time i clearly saw his face, his eyes.
as they stared back at me, they were calm.
no hint of panic and shock that i was clearly feeling.

"thanks for all the help. il see you around." he said and waved.
"will he be alright?" i asked R and S, as i saw him walk away.
"he's come this far, he'll be ok." R said shifting gears.

our car sped away into the misty night.
my thoughts with .. i still couldnt remember his name.
but atleast i now knew that he is no average-joe.
he must have guts of steel i kept thinking, wondering if all will be ok.

suddenly over the din of the traffic...i heard the radio playing...very very softly
que sera sera...



m

this year i will....

discussing the blues of life at 4am....cos both of us among many of our disorders have insomnia right there at the top!....one of my dearests sent me a poem last night.....his masterpiece just for me.

sharaab ki do boondon mein khushi aaj ghar laaye hum,
nasha utarne ke baad i DO feel like a bum;
par kal hum aur tum zaroor saath honge,
aur khushiyon ke hazaaar bahaane honge...

i went to sleep smiling...grateful for great friends.
but the blues had hit me cos someone yet again asked me that ever uncomfortable ques that i avoid every december! what was the year like for you? and what are the plans/resolutions for next year?

the years are going by in a flash with not much worth remembering. oh and i stopped making plans a long time ago. so what do i say?
all of us in the same sinking boat of life naturally gravitate towards each other...and board our very own titanic!

so this time we;ve decided to re-write history.
we will not let our titanic sink.
we will take life's lemons and serve it with tequila shots on our boat.
we will NOT squirm each time our failures are thrown at us.
we will embrace them cos thats how we're on a big boat full of people like us.
we will delete all attachments. those files dont open on most computers.
we will drink both beer AND wine.
we will smoke cigars and sing 'beedi'.

and yes a lil something just for me.
guitar lessons and belle dancing...to be able to make more music next year...



m